So. Sober. hmmmm. Talk about something I never thought I would be dealing with at this point in my life. Addiction that is, not Sober. Yeah, it feels like it needs a capital S right now. It’s like the big thing going on in my life. I only have 2 days of it, but it’s big.
I sound really sarcastic, but you know, this feels fucking wierd. Thanks to Suboxone I am not in bed or puking right now, but my body does not yet feel like my own. I feel all kinds of crazy things right now. Lonely. Unsure. Hopeful. Confused. I am really worried about letting my husband down. He practically sold his soul to the devil to help me and I am so afraid that I am going to fuck it up. And my kids. My god, my kids. I miss them so much, and yet they are here right under my roof with me. I realize now how little time I have been spending with them and how much I have missed. I want it all back. But I can’t have it back. I can only take what should be mine now. Happiness. Joy. Trust. Wellness.
I want my life. I am tired of fighting. I am sick of Depression. Addiction. PTSD. Pills. More pills. More and more and more and fucking more pills….. I just want to be well. I want to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I hope this drug can help me get there. I really do, because I have nothing left to look to. There is no more help for me. I am too white, too poor, too rich, too well, too sick, too fucking whatever to get good help, so this is it. If this doesn’t help me I don’t know what comes next.
This site has helped a lot with info about Suboxone and the depression/addiction connection.
Hola friend! I just finished setting up my blog and somehow lost my first post. Not at all frustrating!
Anyway, this should give us something to do with the countless hours we used to spend chopping up and snorting pills. Heh.
You are awesome, you know that right? And I’m not just saying that because we’re the same person. Think of the person you love the most in the whole world. Now think of how you would treat that person if they were in your situation.
Try to treat yourself like that.
I’m going to try to as well. We’ll see how that goes. It’s been a long time since you or I put our own well-being at the top of the list.
Thank you for everything.