Yep. I am going to celebrate a few of my accomplishments since I have started Suboxone and therapy. (Oct ‘07)
*I have officially completed one whole quarter of school without taking a single day off due to my depression. I did all of my homework and even got good grades! This one is huge for me.
*I am registered for next quarter, I did not put it off, nor did I register for the easiest classes that I could find in case I started to spin out into depression land.
*I can sleep appropriate amounts of time, and I am not exhausted all of the time (no more insomnia, no more sleeping all day and night)
*I have continued therapy and even found a new therapist when I needed to without getting overwhelmed or putting it off. And I actually go to my appointments.
*My relationships at home are improving and healing from my previous inablilty to be fully engaged. My kids talk to me more, and I yell at them less. Mr. A&J and I are working hard to maintain the relationship that we want, and aren’t just settling for the relationship that happens.
*For the most part, our bills are paid, and we don’t owe people money. Medical bills are another story, but we are doing pretty well with our financial responsibilities considering how we have been in the past.
*I am getting exercise most every day, outside, and liking it.
*I am making a true effort at eating proper meals and getting good nutrition, even when the pounds keep piling on.
*I haven’t had a panic attack in ages.
These are huge changes for me and I feel like I need to acknowledge that so many things in my life have improved so dramatically. For so so long I have planned my life with the knowledge that at any point I could become cripplingly depressed. My depression is sneaky and insidious, attacking me when I least expect it. But it has been gone for quite a while. Last week’s blues turned into the flu, so that explains that.
I am now trying to live my life without worrying “What if I get depressed”. I can make plans without worrying that I will have to cancel because I am too depressed to handle whatever it is, however small it is , because if I am depressed it will probably feel insurmountable. Thinking in this new way is making me realize how much power there is in that “what if”, how much of my life I was willing to give up, sleep through, avoid because of my depression. I do not want that life anymore. It’s not that I think I am doing some kind of pulling myself up by the bootstraps kind of crap, I don’t believe in that. I really think that the Suboxone is making the difference. And I hope to hell that it keeps working.
Sounds like the Suboxone is putting you in position to rewire yourself, so to speak.
I have to thank you from the bottom of my hear for your last post. I’ve scheduled an appointment to start Suboxone (I’ve become dependent on opiates since having a spinal problems) and desperately want my life back. While I was 90% committed to starting treatment, a small part of me was frightened of all the potential negatives of Sub. I also have depression, the opiates were a gift for that…my fear was that would come back after stopping them. Again, thank you, I’m excited at the prospect of really living again!